First things first: Apologies for the small font in the images of the brackets below, but I run a resource-starved operation. That said, I welcome donations.

As you may have heard, the Accenture Match Play starts today and neither the world’s number one, Tiger Woods, nor number three, Phil Mickelson, is in the field. Naturally, Tiger is hunkered down in some hiding hole, otherwise known as the gated community of Isleworth, and Phil, the quintessential family man, is taking a family vacation. This event stirred up huge hype last year, as Tiger staged his comeback after an eight-month break to recover from knee surgery.

It’s a little different this year, but hey, we got Steve Stricker, Lee Westwood, Jim Furyk and Martin Kaymer to take the top four seeds. Personally, I’m pumped because I love matchplay. I wish more PGA Tour events were played in this format, like the silly the FedEx Cup — or at least the final event. It’s exciting to watch two players battle it out in a one-on-one duel. Well, unless you get, like, Chad Campbell and Ben Crane in the finals. Snore. So, let’s hope that anomaly doesn’t happen this week.

Without further ado, presenting my random bracket picks, where I basically went down the list and went, eeny-meeny-miny-moe. But as you can see, I didn’t go too crazy. I guess I was feeling boring.

JONES BRACKET

I love this bracket. Too many great players. As I learned with my Fantasy Golf picks for the Northern Trust Open, Steve Stricker is always a safe bet. And I’d just really like to see him cry again. I’m sure David Feherty could rouse more tears from Stricks than Roger Maltbie could. But I’d love to see the young dudes, Anthony Kim and Ryo Ishikawa, go far. With the way both have played this season, I’m not sure. Then again, like the annoying cliche goes, anything can happen.

PLAYER BRACKET

Geoff Ogilvy is defending and he’s already repeated once this year with his win at the season-opener, the SBS Championship. He also has a mind-blowing 89.4% winning percentage. But he might be a little distracted and sleep-deprived, since his wife just gave birth to their third child last week. Putting aside my personal bias, I’d keep an eye out on Ryan Moore. He doesn’t hold one of the most decorated amateur careers for no reason. His last summer before turning pro, he won the US Amatuer, the Western Amateur and US Amateur Public Links — all in matchplay. He’s done crazy things, like win the last four holes, carding birdies on three, to win the US Amateur two-up. Expect him to feel comfortable in this atmosphere.

HOGAN BRACKET

It’d be great to see The Irish Kid Who Will Save The PGA Tour, you know, win or something, but apparently he’s been having some back problems. Perhaps worrisome, but he’s only 20. Last year he made a splash by making it to the quarterfinals, where he was ousted by eventual champ Ogilvy. If Allenby and McIlroy meet like I predicted, let’s hope Allenby doesn’t blame it on something silly, like how he should have gone out partying with him until 4AM. I’d like to see the 25-year-old Martin Kaymer, who won his fifth European Tour event in Abu Dhabi recently, matched up with McIlroy in the quarterfinals. Because, well, the entertainment value. Duh.

SNEAD BRACKET

Other than the Molinaris, who are the first brothers to play the event in the same year, and the preposterously long-hitting Alvaros Quiros, this bracket is pretty vanilla. But you got your usual suspects. Now I can’t remember why I chose Furyk. The word “safe” comes to mind, which doesn’t make that much sense now because in recent years he’s faltered when he reached the Sweet 16.

So in the Final Four, I have Stricker, McIlroy, Moore and Furyk. As always, my sincere regrets if they’re hit with the awful Wei jinx. Who are your favorites for the week? You know what to do — drop them below. Please.

The deadline to commit for the WGC-Accenture Match Play Championships passed at 5PM EST on Friday and the field has been announced. Color me five shades of not-shocked-at-all — but Tiger Woods did not enter.

Last week a Melbourne paper reported there were “strengthening whispers” about Tiger staging his comeback at the Match Play event in Tucson. Which, of course, no one really bought.

Accenture, the consulting company that centered its marketing campaign around Tiger, was the first to drop its corporate ties with him. So why would Tiger return there? I mean, I’ve heard the guy holds a grudge.

Tiger’s gruff caddie, Stevie Williams, shot down the rumors, saying, “The stories stating Tiger will return at the matchplay have no truth to them.”

With Tiger still on his indefinite break, Steve Stricker assumes the number-one seed. Phil Mickelson also isn’t playing because he’s taking a family vacation. Now this gives the opportunity to Chris Wood and Ross McGowan, the number 65 and 66 ranked players in the world.

Meanwhile, in Tiger gossip news, People is reporting that Tiger bought Elin a dive boat, “Solitude,” as a “peace offering,” according to unnamed sources:

“Tiger and Elin have continued diving when they are out for relaxation,” says a source. “And they talked about having a boat that would be mainly for this purpose.”

Two years in the works and built at a cost of $2 to $3 million, the boat is much smaller than his 150-foot yacht Privacy and is currently docked at the Pirate’s Cove Resort & Marina less than 10 minutes from his new Jupiter Island estate-in-progress.

If true, I guess Tiger went for the boat rather than a shiny rock from Zales for his “Kobe Special.”

The National Enquirer, which broke the story about Tiger’s affair with mistress number one, Rachel Uchitel, is claiming Tiger threw a temper tantrum while he was at sex rehab:

A hostile Tiger Woods exploded with pent-up rage during sex addiction therapy after weeks of treating the entire program as a big joke, a close source told The Enquirer. He denied he has a problem, says the source, ridiculed fellow patients and refused to cooperate with therapists.

Take it for what it’s worth. But I think twice before dismissing the Enquirer these days. Perhaps anger management therapy would have been a more appropriate than sex rehab — you know, if he actually was treated at Pine Grove.

So when will he reemerge? The Tavistock Cup? Bay Hill? The Masters? Maybe he’s actually taking Rick Reilly’s advice and not playing at all this year. Now that would be unfortunate.

Welcome to Balls in the Air, where I size up my Fantasy Golf picks of the week, featuring guys to watch (or not) and interesting story lines. I just started playing a few weeks ago, because, well, I really enjoyed Fantasy Football last year. Disclaimer: Don’t yell at me if my picks suck.

I know the tournament has already started and I believe the deadline was sometime on Wednesday. Going forward, I’ll have my picks posted earlier. FYI, I picked last week’s winner, Steve Stricker. /big high-freaking-five! And I just jinxed myself. My apologies to Luke Donald.

Group A

Luke Donald: The options were slim, but I went with Donald. He was runner-up at last week’s Northern Trust Open. He tied the course record at Spyglass with a 62 at this tournament in 2007.

Group A Bench Dude

Phil Mickelson: I was hesitant to pick FIGJAM, but like I said, it was slim pickings. Plus, I’m playing to win, so I’m doing my best to put my personal feelings aside. Phil has had two relatively disappointing weeks, but you never know when he’ll get hot. Hopefully he found his putting stroke, or got a new one since Sunday.

Group B

Jim Furyk: Safe pick. Plus, I played a few holes with him at Pebble on a simulator back in November at a Johnnie Walker junket. He knew the course very well and made two birdies in the three holes we played. Oh, Furyk also has a strong record at Pebble.

Dustin Johnson: The defending champ is always a good bet. He’s off to a decent start this season, too. He was the 36-hole leader at the Northern Trust Open and finished T3.

Group B Bench Dudes

Alex Prugh: This rookie has stayed under the radar and hype, but has actually been playing the best. He has three consecutive top-10 finishes. He’s also a fellow Washington State native. Hoping he plays well and is up for an interview after his round…stay tuned. (If you have any question suggestions, drop them below.)

Retief Goosen: In two starts on the PGA Tour, he’s placed fourth and T6. At the Qatar Masters he earned another top-10 finish. GOOSE!

Group C

Mike Weir: Last year he was runner-up at this event. He was cut last week, but finished sixth at the Bob Hope Classic, the other tournament where celebs run rampant.

Group C Bench Dude

Brandt Snedeker: Two top-10 finishes in 2010, including runner-up at the Farmers Insurance Open.

OK, I’ll do a better job next week. Time to watch the always enlightening coverage on the Golf Channel. I also might be dropping in comments to Mike Walker who is live-blogging the tournament over at Golf.com’s Press Tent.

/checking leaderboard

K.J. Choi is leading at 6-under through 11 holes. David “Mock Turtleneck” Duval is off to a good start at 5-under through 12 — now let’s see if he can keep it up for four rounds, or hell, even two. And what is this? John Daly is three-under through seven!

So who are your favorites for the week? Drop them below.

*Update: Because several people asked if “Balls in the Air” was my remix to “Pants on the Ground,” here’s this:

So, clearly this weekend I’ll be thinking up lyrics for a “Balls in the Air” song.

I couldn’t have been happier to see Steve Stricker win the Northern Trust Open and dethrone Phil Mickelson as the world’s number-two golfer. So the guy is a little boring, but it’s hard not to cheer for such a genuinely nice and humble player — especially one that has a great comeback story.

After struggling for most of the first half of the 2000s, Stricker fell so far in 2005 that his world ranking dropped to 337th and he didn’t make the top-125 on the money list. He was forced to return to Q-school, where he failed to regain his card. But things started looking up for Stricks in 2006 when he was named the PGA Tour Comeback Player of the Year (if that can be taken as a compliment) after seven top-10 finishes. The following year he played his way back to the winner’s circle at The Barclays. Once again, he was named the CPOTY — an unprecedented consecutive season recipient.

So that partly explains the tears in his post-win interview with NBC’s Roger Maltbie. Stricker clarified in his presser:

That’s a common thread for me. I tell myself every time I’m not going to cry, and maybe it’s seeing Roger that makes me cry. I don’t know, it means a lot. I work hard at this, and when it finally — you pour everything into it for 72 holes, and there’s a lot of emotions through the course of the round, and I typically don’t show any emotion. So I think it’s just the ending of it all and finally coming out on top that I lose it.

With Tiger Woods on his indefinite leave from the game, there’s the possibility of Stricker reaching number one, but he’s not thinking about rankings:

[W]e all know who the best player in the world is, and I’ll just continue to do what I do, and that’s practice hard and work at it and try to improve. I’m not saying that I’m going to just not try to work at it anymore, but just continue to do the things that I do when I’m trying to — and that’s to try to get better. That’s all I can ask.

Meanwhile, with all the talking Phil has been doing, it hasn’t translated to his play. Let’s see, rewind back to the Farmers Insurance Open, where he confidently babbled about his improved accuracy and distance. Oh, and he launched his anti-USGA new grooves policy crusade, of course. He finished 19th at Torrey Pines, carding a final-round 73 — after he flew in swing coach Butch Harmon the night before.

Then there’s his putting. We can’t forget his success after working with putting guru Dave Stockton at the end of last year. Well, in eight rounds he’s averaged almost 30 putts a round. Looks like it’s back to the drawing board.

While he opened with an eagle in the third round at the Northern Trust, he played the remaining 35 holes four-over. Whoopsie. Blame it on those darn grooves. Now enough FIGJAM-critiquing from me, there was enough of that elsewhere.

First, let’s go to the guys at the SI Golf Group in the latest edition of PGA Tour Confidential:

Alan Shipnuck: The thing about Phil is that he regularly lays an egg, even when he’s ostensibly playing well. He might win five times this year, including a major or two, but there will be plenty of weeks when he’s a non-factor. That’s what’s so remarkable about Tiger’s body of work — even when he’s struggling he contends.

Gary Van Sickle: Once again, the Phil hype outpaced the Phil reality. I think that’s the hazard of pinning the marketing and hype on one guy. Golf isn’t a game where you can predict who’s going to do well every week. (Not like, say, NASCAR.) It’s also the hazard of pinning the game’s focus on one player whose entire career has been built on spectacular inconsistency. Phil may win at Pebble by 12; it wouldn’t be a surprise. Or he may miss the cut, and that wouldn’t be a surprise either.

That pretty much sums up the wonderful career of FIGJAM. Next up, excerpts from a FoxNews.com article without a byline:

[T]he grand transition plan didn’t allow for the fact that golf’s a meritocracy and Mickelson is now, officially, no longer the heir to the throne.

And after blowing his chances in both San Diego and L.A.’s Riviera, where he was seeking to become the first man to win three straight times at Hogan’s Alley, Mickelson doesn’t deserve to be. That might be a hard truth for Phil’s legions of fans to accept, but it’s also inescapable.

He had three months to prepare for the start of 2010 — knowing what was at stake — and couldn’t deliver. Think Tiger would’ve been an also-ran, finishing 19th and in a tie for 45th, if the roles had been reversed?

No, Phil blew it. He couldn’t even get himself into the running at Torrey Pines or Riviera because he couldn’t find a fairway with binoculars and a compass. Three months to prepare and he couldn’t keep the ball in play. It’s a sad reminder that obsession with distance in golf really is a double-edged sword.

Ouch. Perhaps the harsh tone explains why the writer decided to remain anonymous. But hey, if you’re going to bash someone, at least have the decency (and balls) to sign your name — and so I can email you to impart my praise.

[Photo by Jeff Gross/Getty Images]

CBS banned this ad from KGB, a company that answers questions via text message for 99 cents per question, because the network felt it was too offensive. Too bad, I thought it was kind of funny.

For anyone who cares about the Northern Trust Open on Super Bowl Sunday, good news — you can head out to your parties! Steve Stricker is 16-under with five holes to play and leads Luke Donald by three strokes. 36-hole leader Dustin Johnson trails by four shots at 12-under. As an aside, I picked Stricker for my Fantasy Golf team this week.

/big high-freaking-five to myself

Now go eat some wings.

[h/t NiceBallz]

It’s tough to find much fault with a bogey-free round of 65. But it’s easy to scrutinize Tim Clark’s decision to lay up on the 18th hole, a relatively straightforward and easily reachable in two par 5 — especially since his T2 at the Bob Hope Classic was his 8th runner-up finish on the PGA Tour and he remains winless in 197 starts.

Going into the final hole, Clark was tied for the lead. While he must have figured he needed to make a birdie to force a playoff, he opted for the safe play, laying up with a 7-iron. He followed it with a good wedge shot into the green, which left him a makeable eight-foot putt. But Clark, who hasn’t proven to be clutch in these situations, missed and settled for a par and another bridesmaid title.

Hear Timmy make excuses explain his reasoning:

There’s a chance I could have gotten there, but a great shot still would have left me probably over the ridge with a tough 30-footer down the slope.

My wedge game is my strength, so I knew laying it up, I hopefully wouldn’t have more than 10 feet. And I left myself a perfect 7- to 8-footer, not much to it.

So at the end of the day, I think I did what I needed to, to give myself a best look at birdie there. I certainly didn’t want to throw away the tournament. If I hit my 3-wood there, it’s probably going to come up short in the water. A great shot is probably going to either leave me a long 2-putt or a chip from the back of the green, which I didn’t want either.

So I tried to play it the way I played the whole round and the whole week. I don’t want to get ahead of myself and try and do anything silly.

But he’s never been solid with seven to eight footers in must-make-to-win moments. Rewind back to the Crowne Plaza Invitational last year. After bogeying the final hole in regulation by leaving a par putt short, he flubbed a straightaway seven-footer in the first playoff hole to lose to Steve Stricker.

Had he left himself a long putt after reaching the green in two, he would have still only had to two-putt for a birdie, giving him a chance to win. In the less favorable scenario where he hit it over the green, at least he wouldn’t have looked gutless.

When it comes to winning tournaments, the so-called safe play isn’t always the right one. In this scenario, it wasn’t. It’s like Clark was protecting a lead he didn’t have, which is what seems silly to me — unless he doesn’t mind continuing to be one of the best players to never have hoisted a trophy. Meanwhile, Bill Haas knocked a 3-iron to 30 feet on the 18th and two-putted his way to his first Tour victory.

[Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images]

Just two months ago, the formidable duo of Steve Stricker and Tiger Woods were fist-bumping as they finished with an undefeated record at the Presidents Cup team matches. On Sunday Stricker, who had a fantastic season with three PGA Tour wins, notched another team victory to close the year.

Exit, Tiger; Enter, Jerry Kelly.

The duo of Stricker and Kelly won Greg Norman’s Shark Shootout on Sunday, carding a total score of 26-under to best Kenny Perry and J.B. Holmes by a shot.

In the final-round scramble format, Stricker and Kelly fired a 13-under 59. The definitive moment occurred on the 17th hole when the dependable Stricker made an eagle, hitting the approach shot and sinking the putt.

Stricker spoke on his and Kelly’s sentiments:

It’s another feather in our cap. This is a lot of fun. We came here to have fun and to play well at the same time, and we did that. Just this whole year has been great. It’s been fun to be a part of what Jerry is doing, too. We pushed each other along. It was an easy partnership here. We get along great, and our games are very similar. It was a lot of fun. It just happened that we won. But it’s icing on the cake, really.

The two, who are both natives of Madison, WI, and were born exactly three months apart (!), have been good friends for a while, but apparently, their friendship has been upgraded — as Kelly quipped, “BFF forever now.”

[Photo by Michael O’Bryon/Shark Shootout Photo Gallery]

Like the rest of us, Tiger’s colleagues are reflecting on his leave of absence from golf — here’s a round-up of some of the more interesting comments:

THE SAD:

“Contrary to what everybody believes, the tour will go on, but he will be sorely missed, there is no doubt about it. You take probably the greatest competitor we’ve seen in the game out of the equation [and] it’s going to be a downer. It’s going to be tough for everybody.” —Chris DiMarco

THE LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE:

“I think the mystique has gone. He is suddenly, and I hate to say it, more normal now. Let’s hope golf is not damaged by that. It shouldn’t be…It will have an impact on every tournament Tiger plays. There was an aura, but that has been split. It gives you more opportunity of winning these events.” —Colin Montgomerie

THE DISAPPOINTED BUT OPPORTUNISTIC:

“I’m a big fan of his, a friend of his, and I miss him. I love watching him play, like everyone else. The good news for the rest of us is it’s going to be a lot easier to win tournaments without Tiger playing. But we need him out here. What he’s done for our tour and golf over the last 13 years is unparalleled, really. Whenever he comes back, hopefully it’s smooth sailing and he’ll be better than ever.” —Mark Calcavecchia

THE ECONOMICALLY TOPICAL:

“I don’t think it’s going to help anything, that’s for sure. Especially with the recession we’re in now. It’s hard enough to find sponsors, and now without Tiger it’s going to be a challenge…I think there will be an effect. We all know that. There is an effect when he doesn’t play in a tournament, let alone taking time off. He has been golf since he turned pro. And he’s delivered on all of the expectations and more.” —Nick Price

THE THIS IS PARTIALLY OUR FAULT:

“I think it’s unfair how we have built him up over the years. Obviously on the course he’s one of a kind. No one really know what he was like off the course. He’s a tough guy to get around. He has his own little group. I know him strictly basically on the professional level, at tournaments, some of those team events. But I think it’s a little unfair how we judged him. And really, shame on us for thinking that’s all he went home to do, think about golf and practice and that was it. You know, so it’s a shock. It’s most definitely a shock to everybody to hear what’s been going on. But, you know, hopefully he gets it straight. Staying away I think is a great thing to get his family life in order. There’s no question we’re gonna miss him out here. Hopefully he gets his priorities straight and gets back soon.” —Steve Stricker

THE PISSED-OFF:

“What he did was totally wrong and he’s got no one to blame except himself. That’s up to him if he wants to get his family life in order. It’s a hard thing to come back from.” —Craig Parry

THE VOICE OF REASON:

“My advice to him last week was that he should have come out a lot earlier, told the truth, got it all out…He definitely screwed up. I think a lot of people are in shock. Everybody has to realize that Tiger Woods is a human and he was put on a pedestal of being non-human…They always say there is no one bigger in golf than the game itself. But Tiger is. I hope we get him back soon. Golf needs him.” —John Daly

THE DON’T DRAG ME INTO THIS MESS:

“I am a straight-up sort of person. I tell it like it is. Last year, at the same particular point of time, is when I had the confrontation with Phil Mickleson [the world’s No 2 ranked golfer]. I didn’t lie about it – I called the guy a prick. I never said I didn’t call him a prick. I never denied one word of what I said…I had no knowledge of what Tiger’s indiscretion was. And for Rick Reilly to turn around and say that I am a liar and there is no way I couldn’t know – and that I should be fired – that is sensational journalism at its height right there. I am an honest person. I had no knowledge of what was going on [with Tiger]. If I did, I would say I did.” —Steve Williams

THE IRRATIONALLY WORRIED:

“If he doesn’t return, it’s a scary vision. It’s a very scary vision. We’re under no illusion how prosperous we’ve been with Tiger Woods playing in our era. There are a lot of global stars on their way up. But they’re not quite ready to replace Tiger.” —Graeme McDowell

THE I WANT ANSWERS BUT I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY OWN PRIVATE LIFE:

“The tour has got to be worried, because what’s the definition of ‘indefinite’? Does indefinite mean, ‘OK, it might be a year because a lot of issues have got to be resolved’? That’s the word you’ve got to kind of drill in on.” —Greg Norman

THE DELUSIONAL OPTIMIST:

“No doubt we’re gonna miss him. But he ain’t bigger than the game and he’d probably [be] the first one to tell you that.” —Boo Weekley

THE KINDA LAME:

“He has not said he is not coming back. And he’s by far the best player in the world. When he does come back, he will continue to be No. 1. And he will be expected to win golf tournaments immediately.” —Ian Poulter

I’d really like to hear what Phil Mickelson has to say — but he probably can’t be reached for comment because he’s too busy reveling.

[Photo by Mark Dadswell/Getty Images AsiaPac]

There are plenty of opinions being tossed around about Tiger Woods’ horde of infidelities, but he’s only the most recent (and well-known) among loads of athletes who have been exposed and scrutinized for stepping out on their marriage. The biggest difference is that unlike some others, Tiger had a squeaky clean image…until now. Many reporters have asked some distinguished and infamous athletes and fellow golfers for their opinions about Tiger’s indiscretions and some have siphoned their sympathetic and non-judgmental analysis.

First, let’s hear from ‘09 Sportsman of the Year, New York Yankees captain and Gillette-razor shaving compadre, Derek Jeter, who is often seen in the tabloids with pretty-young-things:

Nobody’s perfect. Everybody makes mistakes. I’ll be the first one to say I’ve made mistakes, as well. Everything you do, people want to know about …. I don’t always think that’s fair. I try to keep things private, you know there are so many things that are made up, people fabricate this story and that story, but you understand it’s part of it.

Second, fellow Nike spokesman and NBA superstar LeBron James chimes in:

The best thing you can do is manage it the best way that you can. You can’t mirror anybody else’s image…You just have to do it and figure out what works for you and go from there.

Third, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady gives his sage advice:

Everyone needs to find their own way and find their own happiness…Obviously, everybody in this room has some degree of notoriety and you have to understand what comes along with that and try to make the best decisions you can.

Fourth, let’s go to the learned Charles Barkley, who is no stranger to notoriety and encounters with the cops:

One problem that a lot of celebrities got…you have to be really careful to try to handle everything. Sometime we give like, well not me because you know I have a strict rule; I don’t want no PR person talking for me cause they don’t make it work… I think he is making a serious mistake…You know I love my boy to death and I don’t know what happened. I want to make that clear. I just told him that I love him and hang in there, but I think he is just making it worse on his self…That makes himself look worse if he doesn’t show himself in public. That is going to make all those rumors that he is scratched up and everything…Nobody is perfect. I mean that is like when that thing with David Letterman broke. I am like what good, I know I am going to get into trouble saying this but I am going to say it anyway, what good is being the boss if you can’t freak with the women that work with you?

Fifth, John Daly, who has had numerous run-ins with everything you could ever have a run-in with, offers some words of wisdom:

The thing that Tiger needs to look at is, whatever happened, just tell the truth…He’ll get over this. The family will get over it. They’ll move on. I hate for something like that to happen to anybody. I just want him and his wife and kids to be happy and for him to keep pursuing the goals that he had…Tiger’s the biggest asset the tour’s had in a long, long time. Whatever happened, as long as he’s OK that’s all that matters. Golf needs him badly…no doubt.

Next, let’s hear from one of Tiger’s golfing BFFs, Padraig Harrington:

There is a lot of questions there. It wasn’t a question of Tiger was driving down the motorway drunk and knocked somebody down or something like this. This is a more personal thing. Obviously Tiger has been held in high esteem and it is going to be a disappointment to a lot of people. Now that he has come out and said something it is much more of a private matter and it’s much more of a personal thing. I think up until now there was a lot of speculation and interest in it and as I have said the other day I have learned of a lot of gossip websites. It was something that everybody was interested in and as more comes out it becomes more personal and much more of his own business really.

Now, Steve Stricker, Tiger’s good friend and Presidents Cup matchplay partner, imparts his honest sentiments, urging Tiger to speak up:

He’s trying to make it as private as he can, and it’s just hard, because everybody is trying to get a piece of information on really what happened. I think his image is going to take a bit of a shot. I think I’d like to see him come on TV and just pour it out a little bit and show what’s happened. I don’t know if that will ever happen.

And we’ve already heard Jesper Parnevik suggest Tiger get walloped with a driver.

[Photo by Ross Kinnaird/Getty Images AsiaPac]

At least Captain Couples didn’t try to pucker up.

The US retained the Presidents Cup, finishing with 19.5 points vs. the Internationals’ 15.5.

It was only fitting that Tiger’s dominating 6&5 victory over Y.E. Yang — the man who took him down at the PGA Championship — sealed it for the US. For Tiger, the hole was the size of a toilet bowl, where he dropped putt after putt on a defenseless Yang. There was never a doubt Tiger would seek some sort of redemption today. It appeared it was good enough for him:

He got me there, and I figured I could get him here. It certainly was not exactly the same atmosphere, but then it still was an important point.

And he closed the week with a pristine 5-0 record — which apparently Freddie was banking on:

I needed him — this is going to sound stupid — to go 5-0.

Tiger had a little help from his BFF Steve Stricker in the team matches, particularly yesterday, which the always insightful and tactful Johnny Miller pointed out during the telecast. But Tiger graciously concurred:

Man, I helped out on two holes pretty much — well, three holes all day, 17, 18 this morning and then here. Otherwise I was cheerleading all day.

Teamwork! But those contributions were spectacular enough: The clutch 22-foot birdie on the 17th to extend the match. The picture-perfect Tiger fist-pump, one more animated than usual. One that we haven’t seen enough of this year (despite his 6 wins). The beautiful 4-iron approach shot to 7 feet on the final hole.

Now of course there were 10 other guys that chipped in, too. Kinda. After struggling on the greens earlier in the week (despite Michael Jordan’s sage words of wisdom), Sean O’Hair cured his atrocious case of the yips with a putting lesson from Phil Mickelson. It helped, obviously — O’Hair obliterated Ernie Els 6&4.

Let’s not forget about Phil. I will happily admit his play highlighted the team matches and greatly contributed to securing a dominating US victory. Yay FIGJAM.

The team camaraderie and the match play format in the Presidents Cup are what provide the theatrics that make only the true die-hard fans swoon. Like me and you.

[Photo by David Cannon/Getty Images]