Kim Jong-Il’s Preferred Lies
By Stephanie Wei under Humor

I missed my 12th hole-in-one by this much...

With the death of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il, 69, on Saturday, golf lost its greatest, most unbelievably gifted player in the world — or possibly ever. Oh, you didn’t realize he played the game, let alone as world’s premier talent?

In 1994 the Pyongyang media reported the despot — in his first-ever round of golf — carded 11 holes-in-one to shoot 38-under at a 7,700-yard 18-hole championship course. His worst score was a birdie, no less!

Kim’s 17 security cards each confirmed the ruler’s unprecedented record-breaking score. Otherwise, they would have been thrown into the torture chamber for disrespecting the “Dear Leader.”

And why did he stop at eleven aces during his hole-in-one-athon? Aren’t they cheaper by the dozen?

Despite being God’s gift to golf, he never played another round.

Kim’s athletic prowess didn’t stop on the links. From the Washington Post‘s Cindy Boren:

His interest in soccer and basketball were better substantiated. He offered coaching advice during the 2010 World Cup, communicating with coach Kim Jong-Hun via invisible cellphone. “Jong Il is said to have developed the technology himself,” the coach told ESPN.

In the women’s World Cup this summer, the North Korea coach said his team lost to the United States because his players were struck by lightning during a practice session in North Korea.

Kim was a big basketball fan — and an even bigger Michael Jordan fan. Madeleine Albright, former secretary of state, presented him with a ball signed by Jordan and Kim is said to have owned a video library of nearly every game Jordan played.