In a declaration so laden with irony as to threaten a rupture in the very fabric of Time and Space, The Donald took time out after his eventful appearance at last weekend’s White House Correspondants Dinner to declare himself “a traditionalist.” In a tradition (of egomaniacal capitalists, hypocrites, demagogues?), certainly; a traditionalist, I would suggest not.
What’s worse, he grafted the political substance of his remarks– that same sex marriage has no place in society, etc. blah– to the totally analogous and in no way comparatively trivial debate about the belly putter:
“It’s like in golf [really, he actually said this…] A lot of people — I don’t want this to sound trivial [and yet…] — but a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive,” said Mr. Trump, a Republican Vulgarian. “It’s weird. You see these great players with these really long putters, because they can’t sink three-footers anymore. And, I hate it. I am a traditionalist. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist.”
It sounds like this “conservative with a big heart” has plenty of room in his life for friendship, whether it’s with the gays or “the blacks”. Good for him.
The real issue here, of course, is what all this political meddling means for the crusade against the belly putter. Am I still able to publicly voice my distaste for it, or has The Donald succeeded in making that something of a coded political statement, akin to voicing support for “the right to privacy” or “personal freedom”?
Next thing you know, playing partners will be telling me that putting style isn’t a matter of choice, it’s genetically hardwired, and everyone who has the right to play with the putter they feel most comfortable. Trump may have just created Putter Fascism. Grim as that might seem, just you wait until the blog gets cracking on the ensuing scandals: Beltway Republicans busted using long putters for illicit rounds at remote country clubs, the election of Congress’s first long putter advocate…