The Tiger Woods Interview Drinking Game
By Merf under Tiger Woods

The Tiger Woods press conference is a frustrating experience for everyone. Woods absolutely does not want to be there — although he’ll usually make a joke or reference about how much he enjoys talking to the golf media (or “you guys”). But Woods will do everything he can to answer questions in condescending sentence fragments. If you transcribe his quotes in Word, it’s a sea of those little green squiggly underlines.

Then there’s the moderator, who has to call on reporters for questions, and pisses everyone off when he picks the lady who is obviously not a part of the press and asks Woods if he has any advice for kids just picking up golf. The moderator senses Woods getting annoyed, and announces “last question” shortly after that, earning the ire of at least five legit reporters who had something relevant to ask.

But even for those in the press who get the microphone passed to them, it’s rare that they’ll get what they need out of Woods. After they ask their question, the microphone gets taken away, and there is no chance for a follow-up to press Woods on his lame answer or make him be more specific. And then the next question on other side of the room is almost always completely unrelated. (This is why no one knew anything about Woods pre-hydrant. Woods controlled press conferences, and very few in the media had any more access than that. This is also why no one is afraid to grill him — well, in writing, not in person — anymore. You can’t lose access that you never had.)

Woods post-round comments are just as annoying, and if he’s not leading, he is miserable. So how do we tolerate this?  By creating a drinking game for his predictable answers!

Take one drink if you hear the following:

  • “It is what it is”
  • “I was driving it on a string”
  • “You guys are reading way too much into it”
  • Woods praising fans for their support
  • Woods talking about getting “back in the ballgame”
  • Woods calling any part of his game “awful”
  • “We’ll see what happens tomorrow.”
  • Woods saying playing partner or leader X “is just a great guy”
  • “It’s always a work in progress”
  • “It’s a process” or “this is a long haul” or “just keep plodding along”
  • Woods trashing the condition of greens or saying “it’s potluck”
  • Woods making reporters laugh with a corny joke or by pausing and smiling long enough
  • “I was telling the guys”
  • Woods challenging the media to hit a certain shot, like he did over and over about a Dustin Johnson 4-iron in a practice round before the U.S. Open: “I don’t know how many guys have that shot. I don’t know if you guys have that shot, but I certainly don’t.”
  • Woods repeating a joke or story in the same tournament
  • Woods reminding the media that he’s won before
  • Woods referring to a reporter/another player with some lame nickname

Finish your beer if:

  • Woods compliments another player without being asked

[AP Photo/Peter Morrison]