Report: Tiger Gives $750 Million to Keep Elin’s Big Mouth Quiet
By Stephanie Wei under Tiger Woods

That Elin Nordegren just never stops blabbing, you know? So, in what is likely the largest divorce settlement ever, Tiger Woods will pay his soon-to-be ex-wife between $750 million and $833 million in exchange for her eternal silence on his reported affairs and their divorce, according to The Sun. Not to mention presumably there’s a clause banning her from speaking about the events on 11/27, too.

And that’s not all.

Elin will have full custody of their children, Sam and Charlie, and split legal custody of them with Tiger, which means he gets a say in decisions regarding their future. Like, say, if Elin wants to move back to Sweden and take the kids with her, that probably won’t happen unless for some odd reason Tiger agreed.

What’s more, he’s banned from letting his girlfriends near the kids unless he marries one of the ladies. (Apparently Elin doesn’t want Sam and Charlie hanging out with the Blue Martini cocktail waitresses or Vegas club hostesses that Tiger is known to take home.) Tiger has also agreed to keep single women, whom Elin doesn’t know, away from them.

It’s also being reported that Elin is receiving double the sum she originally sought because her lawyers were able to prove he’s worth more than the $1 billion everyone thought. (Cayman Islands, anyone?)

Just the other day, Forbes released its annual list of most powerful celebrities, which ranked Tiger as #5 — making him the most powerful athlete in the world (still). His estimated pay for the year is $105 million, $13 million higher than what Sports Illustrated expected him to gross in ’09. Interesting. I guess losing his endorsements with Accenture and AT&T didn’t hurt him much. (Thank God for Nike!)

Morally bankrupt? Maybe, but hardly bankrupt. Just soon-to-be $750 million poorer. Excuse me while I dry my eyes.

The verdict on this settlement? That’s a lot of money. But hey, eligible bachelors, start lining up for the soon-to-be-single, very wealthy, gorgeous blonde.