Swamp Ass Garrigus
By Stephanie Wei under General

While I was traveling at a smooth cruising altitude of 30,000 feet, apparently I missed quite the finish by Robert Garrigus and no disrespect, but just a flat-out ugly win by Lee Westwood at the St. Jude Classic. I got off the plane and received multiple texts from friends, like, “OMG you just missed a Van de Veldien choke by Garrigus” and “Hope the trip was nice. You missed a choke of epic proportions.” But perhaps more notable, in the sweltering Memphis heat, Garrigus decided to wear non-breathable khaki trousers. Unfortunately for everyone, he also sweats a lot.

When I heard it looked like he had crapped his pants on the final hole in regulation, it was no joke. I mean, is Garrigus’ picture next to “swamp ass” on Urbandictionary.com yet? I tried to find a photo, but apparently there weren’t any photographers taking pictures of his rear end. (I know this is a strange request, but anyone got one?)

I saw the recap on Golf Central, which was as painful to watch as it was told to me earlier (but the dude seemed like a fantastic sport). From what I understand, Garrigus had a three-shot lead going into the last hole. He doesn’t hit driver, but yanks the four-letter word out of it into the water hazard. Here’s Intern Kevin’s account:

Garrigus ends up having to drop way back and should at this point just knock it down the fairway, while avoiding the water.  He tries to hit an 8 iron over the trees, which overhang the water.  It hits a tree and bounces down and to the left in to the “forest.”  He was kind of lucky to not be in the water, but at that point he just had to chip out and leave himself 166 yards hitting his 5th shot.  From there he slapped it on the green and shakily 2 putted for a triple and the playoff.  By this time my friends were starting to text me to ask if Garrigus had shat his pants, because he had an obnoxious sweat stain right at his rear.  After much debate it was decided that he had only figuratively shat himself, though one of my friends is still convinced that he literally shat himself as well.

Oh, for the love of God. Well, good thing he’s got Zach Johnson praying for him.

I’m sure Garrigus feels much better knowing that.

[Photo by John Sommers II/Getty Images]