Tiger Knows the Drill, but Distances Himself From Oil Spill
By Stephanie Wei under General

Thanks to Reader Mike for pointing out this hilarious posting from the Borowitz Report via HuffPost, “Tiger Woods: At Least I Didn’t Fuck the Entire Gulf of Mexico.” No, just almost every cocktail waitress and adult film star in Vegas clubland.

Sensing a public relations opportunity, golf legend Tiger Woods spoke out today on the BP oil spill, telling reporters, “At least I didn’t fuck the entire Gulf of Mexico.”

Initially stunned by his comment, reporters asked Mr. Woods to elaborate on his response to the oil spill crisis.

“Sometimes you can cause a lot more damage by drilling one hole as opposed to a thousand holes,” he said. “I’m just saying.”

For those of you unfamiliar with the Borowitz Report, it’s comedian Andy Borowitz’s satirical website. In other words, the “report” above is a spoof. Duh. I mean, Tiger isn’t funny enough to whip up those lines! But it would be amazing if he did say that.