One Reader’s Entertaining Interpretation of Tiger’s Speech
By Stephanie Wei under General

Thanks to Reader TB for deciphering excerpts of Tiger’s monologue (read full transcript here), which amusingly spell out the hidden message behind his cryptic words. Enjoy.

What he said: Elin and I have started the process of discussing the damage caused by my behavior:

What he meant: We’re just in the process, meaning my people are talking to her people to see if she’ll even give me the time of day. If she does, then we’ll discuss whether we’ll ever discuss this before she boots me out of the house again and divorces me.

What he said: It’s hard to admit that I need help, but I do. For 45 days from the end of December to early February, I was in inpatient therapy receiving guidance for the issues I’m facing.

What he meant: Really, I was in inpatient therapy, but the guidance was for the damage control issues I’m facing and how to deal with sponsors that haven’t dropped me.

What he said: Some people have made up things that never happened.

What he meant: But most of you nailed it on the head and that’s how I got caught.

What he said: Starting tomorrow, I will leave for more treatment and more therapy.

What he meant: That doesn’t mean I’m getting more treatment and therapy right away, I’m just leaving here and eventually will get some more therapy and treatment.

What he said: I’ve learned to seek support from my peers in therapy, and I hope someday to return that support to others who are seeking help. I do plan to return to golf one day, I just don’t know when that day will be.

What he meant: I have to figure out this sex addiction thing and how it’s going to play out.  I get support from my peers. Well, they’re really not peers. After all they aren’t professional golfers or gazillionaires, but we brainstorm to see if a sex addiction treatment charitable foundation will be believable.

Thanks, TB!