Jan
5
2010
Pat Burns Succeeds Furman Bisher as Latest "Insider" to Tiger Woods Story Hoax
By Stephanie Wei under General

Former Montreal Canadiens coach Pat Burns has an “old friend” in the Florida Highway Patrol who told him what really happened with Tiger on Thanksgiving night. In a chat with CKAC Sports in Montreal on Tuesday morning, he recounted the insider anecdote:

After dinner, Tiger Woods watched football in the living room while sending text messages to Rachel, the famous blonde.

Meanwhile, one of his friends, based in Orlando, invited him to go play poker. At approximately 7:30 p.m., he went to change, then left. He forgot his phone on the coffee table in the lounge. Rachel, meanwhile, continued to write her text messages.

He kept saying there was nothing there. He went to watch television … then suddenly, bang! A nine-iron in the face!

[…] the doctors said he needed plastic surgery to repair the broken teeth, but only one institution could do it, in Phoenix (Arizona).

And so on and so forth. A 9-iron and plastic surgery!!! Sound oddly familiar? This is all too precious.

Apparently Burns didn’t get the memo that a very similar story circulated the Internets a few weeks ago, originating from a golf message board, where a member received the story via Facebook from a friend of a friend’s dog or something like that. I guess Burns’ police buddy failed to update him that the FHP released previously unknown details, attempting to debunk the “real” story after the hoaxed email went viral last week.

Oh, also, the mainstream media is passing along Burns’ account, like several outlets did with the whole Furman Bisher debacle — though the Toronto Sun does point out it sounds “eerily similar” to the whole email chain that Deadspin called a bluff. But sadly, it’s being taken seriously here (yes, the Canadian AP!), here, and here. Perhaps worst of all, Dan Roche, a Boston sports anchor and reporter, tweeted the link to the Sun story today, calling it a “must-read.”

/Sigh

So, does this mean the FHP will release another bit of new information tomorrow that they kept under wraps?