Tiger Woods "Car Crash" Melodrama Now Completely Absurd
By Stephanie Wei under General

The latest report from the AP (5:48PM EST):

Tiger Woods sustained facial cuts in a car accident early Friday when his SUV hit a fire hydrant and a neighbor’s tree as he was leaving his mansion in a gated waterfront community near Orlando, Fla.

Windermere Police Chief Daniel Saylor said Woods’ wife used a golf club to smash out the back window and helped get the golfer out of the car.

Saylor said Elin Nordegren told officers she was in the house when she heard the accident and came outside. Saylor says officers found Woods lying in the street with his wife hovering over him.

Saylor said Woods was in and out of consciousness when his officers arrived, and that he had cuts on his lips and blood in his mouth. He says his officers gave him first aid until fire rescue came about 10 minutes later.

So, as Elin was running out of the house, she grabbed a golf club in case of emergency. Then, she was worried the car was going to explode after hitting a fire hydrant and tree at minimal speed, so she broke the back window instead of opening the car door to help Tiger out of the car after his near brush with death. Totally logical! (But the Orlando Sentinel reported that there was no visible damage to the Escalade.)

Or, how about this crazy theory: They were squabbling about Tiger’s alleged affair with Rachel Uchitel and when he decided to leave, Elin, in a fit of anger, grabbed a 3 metal, chased after him and smashed the window as he was attempting to drive away. He was distracted by the ruckus, causing him to lose control of the car.

That’s just speculation. But it doesn’t seem so preposterous now. According to TMZ, multiple law enforcement sources told them Elin and Tiger were fighting right before his accident:

We’re told Elin told cops about the argument at the scene of the accident and Tiger gave the same story to authorities at the hospital where he was treated.

One Florida law enforcement official called it “a domestic issue.”

I’d like to see how Team Tiger cleans up this mess. Good luck. I can’t wait for the next installation of the soap opera. Stay tuned for updates as this breaking story continues to unravel.

/Making popcorn.