Jun
6
2009
By Stephanie Wei under General

I live in Orlando and root for the Magic, but I’m from L.A.,” he said. “I grew up watching Magic (Johnson), Kareem (Abdul-Jabbar) and (James) Worthy and Byron (Scott) and all those teams. Before that, (Bob) McAdoo and (Norm) Nixon, you name it. It’s hard, but I’m from L.A.

Tiger Woods [via]

Dear Tiger,

I know writing you twice in one week might be a little excessive, but I need to get something off my chest. Was it really so hard to say you want the Lakers to win? (Actually, you didn’t say it, you implied.) Again, I was baffled by your dilemma, but maybe that’s just me. Anyway, I’m glad that you are going with your homeboys. Not because I’m cheering for them (in fact, I’ll root for any team playing against them). But because it’s nice to see you show loyalty to your hometown. I do still have one bone to pick with you. Why so PC? I’ll assume you have buddies on the Magic who take you to the “cool” parties and you don’t want to sever those relationships. OK, I get it?

Tiger, you have the best life, but I can’t help but wonder if there’s some sort of insecurity that you’re hiding from the world. Perhaps that explains why you seem so aloof at times. Is it because you don’t want everyone to know how socially awkward you really are? Yeah, that’s understandable. I mean, you do have an image to keep up.

WAIT, do you and Kobe have beef? I could see him being jealous of you. I wouldn’t blame him. Why? Let’s see, you have a more attractive wife, you’re considered a  better athlete, you’re more respected, you’re wealthier, you’re more famous, you’ve contributed more to make the world a better place, and though you throw temper tantrums at times (but we can forgive you usually because you’re Tiger Woods), you’re way classier. What else? OH. You’ve never been accused of sexual assault a felony.

With that said, this all makes sense now. Sorry about the misunderstanding. Good luck this weekend at the Memorial. Keep hitting them in the fairway.

XOXO, S